COUPLES AND MARRIAGE THERAPY
Marriage and or intimate relationships are hard work and it is often lonely. You do the best you can, but it still doesn’t work out the way you’d hoped. Most couples can begin feeling relief from the distance and pain in their relationship by learning new tools so that they can experience the kind of connection and love that they have been wanting. From infidelity to sexual desire, intimacy issues, to major communication breakdowns and conflict resolution, I have been helping couples for over 25 years. My personal and professional experience has provided me with skills in which I can help both partners be able to negotiate solutions that are mutually satisfying. I have been married for over 20 years and I know first hand that relationships are challenging; yet I also know enormous growth is possible. Couples therapy can give you a foundation of skills that will last a lifetime.
What are some typical issues addressed
in couples therapy?
- Creating safety so you can get a handle on life when it feels out of control.
- Learning more effective ways to communicate so that you can feel seen and heard.
- Learning how to grow greater intimacy and passion in your relationship.
- Disrupting the old patterns of communication so that something new can emerge
Frequently, I work with people who:
· Don’t know how to move forward after one partner had an affair
· Are stuck in endless circles of blaming and hostility with their partner
· Have lost sight of the reason they’re with their partner, and need to find a way to reconnect,
or decide if it’s time to end the relationship or marriage
· Aren’t sure how to navigate the waters of "couplehood" after having a new baby
· Are wondering if they’re as happy as they should be, though unable to pinpoint an exact issue
Research shows that:
· There are at least 10 things in a couple’s life they will never agree on.
· There’s a spike in the divorce rate at the 2-year, 7-year and 20-year anniversary dates.
· Marriage satisfaction significantly declines after the birth of the first child.
· Infidelity can occur even in happy marriages.
How does couples therapy work?
I have specialized training in the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, this models is in alignment with my core beliefs. I utilize the latest research in brain science to enable you to understand why you do what you do in stressful interactions and to help you learn new, more effective responses. This model integrates the following three scientific areas of study as well as practical techniques you can start using right away:
The first is neuroscience, the study of the human brain. Understanding how the brain works provides a physiological basis for understanding how people act and react within relationships. In a nutshell, some areas of your brain are wired to reduce danger and seek security, while others are geared to establish mutuality and loving connection; this can cause a biological paradox. As with all of my work, couples therapy is grounded in neuroscience. One of the biggest breakthroughs in our profession is our recent knowledge that the mind can change the architecture of the brain. I will help you learn how your life trauma gets stored in the emotional brain and in your body, which then contributes to the pain you may feel in your relationship.
The second is attachment theory, which explains the biological need to bond with others. Experiences in early relationships create a blueprint that informs the sense of safety and security you bring to your adult relationships. Insecurities that have been carried through life can wreak havoc for a couple if these issues are not resolved. The quality of early life experiences profoundly affects couples' relationships. We will work together to identify the primary attachment pattern for you and your partner and learn immediate applications to help you and your partner develop earned secure attachments.
The third area is the biology of human development, which takes into account normal stages that individuals and couples go through. These stages are struggles, which are extremely tough at times however they are also normal. An assessment to where you are and where you may be stuck is completed and presented to you. Most couples tend to replay the same dynamic over and over again doing everything they know how to move forward, but there is something that may keep them stuck. Understanding your role in this cycle will enable you to manage differences with a foundation that will last you a lifetime. I work to support the evolution of each partner, as well as the growth of the relationship.
The average couple waits six years before seeking help to save a troubled relationship. Six years of having the same arguments, feeling the same dissatisfaction, experiencing the same disappointment. After so many years, it can be difficult to change well-established patterns on your own, and sometimes it can even feel hopeless. If you are struggling with your relationship, not feeling connected to your partner, or if your trust has been broken, please don’t wait one more day, call (619) 446-7660 or email firstname.lastname@example.org to get some relief.
TRAINING Specific to couples work
John Gottman's Method, research-based roadmap for helping couples compassionately manage their conflicts, deepen their friendship and intimacy, and share their life purpose and dreams.
Ellen Bader's Developmental Model- The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy: Integrating Attachment, Differentiation, and Neuroscience in Couples Therapy
Stan Tatkin's Psychobiology Model - A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT), is a fusion of attachment theory, developmental neuroscience, and arousal regulation. (will be completed 12/17)